Inner chatter not invited. Whenever I enter a new situation and meet new people, I try to live by three golden rules.
- No assumptions.
- No judgements of other’s nor myself.
- No expectations
Think about it. This certainly, will keep that inner chatter to a minimum. You are not concerned about being judged yourself. It gives you an opportunity to enjoy the moment as it’s unfolding.
My journey into Mindfulness includes these three golden rules that are sometimes difficult to follow.
This past weekend I was invited to a bowling party. Not an unusual event for adults. I only knew one person. I could have easily allowed my ego to start chirping in my ear. The uncertainty and unknowing. Thus, producing anxiety and self-doubting myself. Are people going to be friendly? Will I be judged? Am I wearing the right cloths? Should I bowl? It could have triggered those thoughts that you had in Middle school. Will someone pick me to be on their team? I make my choices and I don’t care what people think. My mantra!
Staying in your present and using these three rules will reduce your anxiety, boost your confidence and give you courage. When you are mindful you are taking in what is happening at this moment in time. You are not in the past nor future. When you are starting to feel that inner chatter in your head, take a pause and BREATHE. Slow down and take three deep breaths. Think about what you are telling yourself. Is it true? Move on!
You are not judging these people nor making any assumptions. Instead, I went into the situation joyful and grateful I was invited. I got out of my box and was one of the few women who bowled. And yes, my ball went in the wrong direction, no one was injured. They also did not have any gutter guards! Ok, I had one of the lowest scores. Who cares! I amused myself and got a little exercise I as well. Without having the expectations, I am not disappointed. My mindset was set on positive. I refused to allow myself to scan the crowd for the negative. If you look hard enough, you will always find someone at a party making judgements about everyone. Remember we attract what we are thinking about. Negativity brings negativity.
Entering social situations with preconceived notions and expectations, sets you up for your ego to come out in full force. You are so caught up in your chatter, you miss what is happening in the here and now.
Take a risk with new adventures, stay mindful and leave your pesky ego at the door.
“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.”- Maya Angelou
Author of “Lost, Found, & Rewired: Mind Tools that Shift You From Stressed and Frazzled to Calm and Vital” I educate people on how the brain works and how you can get it to work for you.